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Why I Don’t Want to Be an "It Girl"



The Temptation to Be "Her"

I first started seeing It Girl content on YouTube a few years ago. These vlogs showed girls (mostly in their 20's) flaunting their idealized morning routines, green smoothies, and aesthetic lifestyles. Their hair was always effortlessly perfect, their outfits curated, their daily habits the picture of discipline and ease. And judging by the millions of views these videos were (and still are) racking up, they struck a chord with their audiences.

So while I’ve never explicitly thought, "I want to be an It Girl", I have to admit (and I think most of us would if we’re being honest) that the It Girl calls to us on some level.

What Is an “It Girl”?

The term It Girl has been around for over a century, but the definition has remained the same: she is the woman everyone wants to be. Vogue says “who among us doesn’t want to be arrestingly beguiling? It’s a poisoned chalice most of us would sip from if we could. People obsessed with my je ne sais quoi? Sign me up.” (1). Urban Dictionary says it even more bluntly: “All the guys want her and all the girls want to be her...” (2).

She’s not just beautiful; she’s captivating. She doesn’t just have money; she has power. She doesn’t just post online; she commands attention.

But at its core, the It Girl’s appeal is built on something sinister—envy.

The "It Girl" Is Built on Envy

The It Girl phenomenon begins and ends with envy.

We envy the women who have the things we desire—beauty, confidence, influence, wealth—and so we strive to become like them.


Scripture warns against this cycle:

"For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice." — James 3:16

Envy never leads to peace—only restlessness. Proverbs 14:30 reminds us that “A tranquil heart gives life to the flesh, but envy makes the bones rot.”  What feels like a motivator at first will eventually consume us, leaving us discontent no matter how much admiration we receive.





False Confidence vs. True Confidence

At first glance, the It Girl seems to embody confidence. And confidence is a good thing! But where does her confidence come from?


The world tells women to build confidence in themselves—to chase self-sufficiency, personal reinvention, and a perfectly curated image. But self-based confidence is a house built on sand. We are imperfect. We age. We fail. We can never fully control how others perceive us. So when our confidence is built on ourselves, it becomes a fragile thing—always needing to be reinforced, always at risk of crumbling. And ultimately, it WILL fail you.


This is what Ruth Chou Simons calls "the false gospel of self-improvement"—the idea that if we just try hard enough, we can be "enough" on our own. And that's what gets us, isn't it? Videos about learning to wake up at 5 am quickly devolve into how to reinvent ourselves and put our "okayness" in how perfect our routines are. What starts as a good desire for taking dominion in our lives can quickly devolve into trying to save ourselves from the judgment of others through self-improvemnet. But biblical confidence is different. It’s not about self-exaltation; it’s about knowing who we are in Christ.

"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ." — Galatians 1:10

In this verse, the Apostle Paul has a motivation far more sturdy than the fleeting praise of man. He kept his motivations clear.


The pursuit of It Girl status will always be exhausting because it’s fueled by the need to be seen. But when our identity is rooted in Christ, we are ALWAYS seen by the one whose gaze truly matters. And we can pursue excellence and dominion, not for the sake of admiration, but out of love for God and a desire to steward the gifts He’s given us well.



The Fleeting Nature of the "It Girl"

The saddest part about the It Girl ideal? She is always replaced.


Cultural icons rise and fall. Beauty trends shift. The women who were once considered the standard of desirability are eventually forgotten. What the world praises today, it will discard tomorrow.


This is why Scripture warns us:

"Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." — Proverbs 31:30

The It Girl standard is fleeting. But the woman who fears the Lord—the woman who walks in faithfulness, wisdom, and humility—will be praised not just by culture, but by those who matter most: her family, her community, and ultimately, by God.





The "It Girl" Mindset in Entrepreneurship

As Christian entrepreneurs, this same battle plays out in our businesses.

We’re tempted to build for admiration—to chase influence, attention, and the kind of success that makes others envious. But Scripture reminds us that we are always building on one of two foundations:

"For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each one's work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done." — 1 Corinthians 3:11-13

We can either build our businesses on the foundation of the world, or the foundation of Jesus Christ. We can build the City of Man or the City of God.

How We Break Free From the "It Girl" Trap

We all, to some extent, have a love/hate relationship with the It Girl.


In the ways that feel attainable, we try to be her. And in the ways that feel unattainable, we despise and mock her. But the biblical response is neither envy nor resentment.

  1. We should honor and love the image of God in all women. To despise or mock It Girls is often hidden envy, not righteousness. Instead, we are called to see the dignity inherent in the image of God in all women—regardless of how closely they fit the cultural ideal.

  2. We should replace the world's standard with God's standard. We can’t just reject the It Girl ideal and leave a vacuum. If we don’t replace it, the world will fill it again. Instead of aiming for fleeting admiration, we must put on the standard Scripture gives us: “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” — Proverbs 31:30 We need to intentionally draw our admiration to what God says is admirable and honor the women in our own lives who exemplify this fear of the Lord. "As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones, in whom is all my delight." Psalm 16:3

The world will always offer us a fleeting crown—a moment of admiration, a brief taste of being “that girl.” But as believers, we have been offered something far greater:

A Kingdom that will never fade.

An identity that isn’t dependent on beauty or status.

A calling that doesn’t demand our exhaustion, but invites us into rest.


In the end, I don’t want to settle for being an It Girl, because we are called to something so much more beautiful.



 

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